A Question to Make You Think

Yesterday I was talking with one of my dearest friends, who I also happen to call my big brother, and was absolutely blow away and astounded by not only some things that he was able to help shed light on but also by the simplicity of the matter. That matter being a simple question he asked toward the beginning of the conversation.

How is someone who doesn’t know what unconditional love looks or feels like (from experience) supposed to give away what they don’t feel they have?

Now before I jump into explaining why this was such a mind boggling question I want to give a disclaimer. My parents and family love me and have absolutely always been there for me. My parents have always provided for me and to this day continue to partially support me while I finish my college degree which they are also paying for. That being said, my family is not always the best at showing love in any one of the five love languages that there are. In case you have never heard of the love languages the list is : quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service. Absolutely none of these are in my family’s strong suit. In fact the older we get the more they just don’t appear at all.

Back to the question that blew me away. I was expressing frustration with how I want to respond to things done and said by those closest to me. After a little digging that question is what stuck out the most. How are you supposed to love no matter what when you don’t even know what that looks like much less feels like?

Why did this blow me away? Because I’ve spent my entire life with the mindset of…being physically provided for and every now and then getting a kind word is love. This “version” of love is what I carried in with me to my dating relationship, and was completely shocked by the fact that I was hurt. Was this view point something subconsciously drilled into me growing up, or did I just decide that’s just how it is somewhere along the way? To be completely honest I haven’t the slightest idea. All I know is that until a certain point I felt completely loved, then there was a time period where it was kinda blurry, and then we have today. Can I draw a direct line from how I’ve allowed myself to be treated in relationships to my conception of love? I think I probably can if I take the time and start digging.

I think that the line that bugged me the most in regards to being in a relationship went something like this: You really want to watch how much time you spend around him sweetheart because at some point your gonna get tired of each other. Heartwarming isn’t it? After my last dating relationship I decided to take some time and really think about whether or not it was worth it to “love” someone if all it meant is that some day, probably sooner rather then later, I would just get tired of him and be glad to see him go to work every morning because that means a few hours in the day when I don’t have to look at him, deal with him, or talk with him. What conclusion did I come to? None really. I just came to a place where I sat down and said God there has to be more to love and life and my future then that. I can not settle for marrying someone who might give me silly butterflies at first but later on give me a sinking feeling of dread when I know he’s coming home; all so that I can say I got married and had kids. Where is the life and joy in that? I’d rather be single the rest of my life then have that be my future.

I say all that to say this, do I really know what love looks like and feels like? I don’t think I even have the slightest clue. I’ve been given an opportunity though to learn what that kind of love is like. I hope to really be able to dig in a discover that there is more to life then at some point getting tired of being around family. There are many things I hope to gain from this. But I want to leave you with a question. Do you know what love looks like and feels like?

Seeing Through Rose-colored Spectacles

You ever want to challenge yourself and see people differently? Ask God to see people the way that He does. 

A few years ago I asked God to give me His heart because I wanted to see things, hear things, and feel things like He does. The whole prayer was really brought about because of the Brandon Heath song called “Give Me Your Eyes”. That became my prayer for some months before I got a response. The response was just a simple question, “Is this what you really want? Do you realize what all this will mean? Are you committed?” Wow! Just the second question alone was enough to make me a little hesitant. I mean I already knew that I didn’t see people the way that I should. If I could be completely honest and transparent, all I saw were a bunch of sinners with some really bad attitudes. Even from that point though I knew that there had to be more. I mean God had to love these people and even me for a reason right? So my response was something to the affect of, “Yes I really want this, no I have absolutely no clue what this is going to mean, and yes I am committed.” 

There was no noticeable change, no major life changing event that clued me in to the fact that I had changed. I just remember sitting at a red light one day and randomly wanted to cry after seeing a car across the intersection from me. If you would have asked me why I could not have told you at that moment. All I knew was that my heart hurt for the woman in that car, and I knew that she had just received some bad news and was in pain. At that moment it slowly dawned on me that I was changing. 

It’s been a long slow change over the last probably six or seven years at least. The shear emotions that can hit in one moment at times still quite literally take my breath away. Those moments are so intimate and so amazing that I don’t know that I could really do justice to them when trying to describe them. All I can do is tell you that it is so worth letting go and letting Daddy God change your heart. You’ll find yourself loving people you never thought you would be able to. You’ll find your world completely rocked in worship. And when heaven and earth collide, hold on cause it’s beyond amazing! 

My challenge to you today, seek the heart of the Father. Earnestly pursue the heart of Papa God. You will never regret it!!

Why God Why?

Why do You ask so much from one so small?

Why do dreams seem like taunts so tall?

Pillars seem like road blocks,

And my words like relationship wounders.

I know I am to speak, but why so strong?

Can I not just smile and nod?

You say my tongue is a rudder,

And strong it is,

But when I speak hurt people cringe.

Encouragement is what I’d rather proclaim,

Not the truth that hurts and burns.

Love is how I speak, but still truth hurts.

Is it just the delivery I struggle with?

Or is this what You desire?

My words carefully chosen,

Yet crafted as strong sturdy arrows piercing the matter.

God I want to work with You to reach the hurt,

No matter the cost in friends or family.

I want to be all that You say that I am,

So speak through me as You have said.

Burn away what is not You,

So that only the truth in love is what is said.

Rebecca DeWeese – Sept. 6, 2013

Life and Resting with Papa God

I think sometimes in life our most defining moments are also our most exhausting moments. Obviously the are the physical results from our activities but I’m talking about more then that. You see we are three part beings (spirit, soul, and body). Our bodies get physically exhausted so we sleep to solve that, but we often times do not understand or solve the spirit and soul exhaustion. To be completely honest…do we even know what it looks like or feels like?  Spending time in the Word of God and worshiping can be the answer however sometimes we just need to rest in the presence of Papa God. Resting can look different depending on the person and their relationship with Papa, but I find most often for me it means turning on the worship music and laying down before Papa and letting His love just wash over me and renew me. There’s been times that I’ve completely fallen asleep there in the presence. At first that concerned me because I felt that I was just like the disciples and couldn’t stay awake long enough to truly seek the Lord. But I heard something one day that surprised me and rang true in my life. I don’t remember the exact words but my paraphrased version of it goes something like: It is good to be still and awake before Papa…but sometimes we have so exhausted ourselves that being still before Papa is recharge time in more ways then one…your spirit and your soul continue to rest and listen to Papa even as you physically rest. In all honesty I find that I wake up more refreshed when there is worship music playing very softly in the background while I sleep. I suppose I say all of this to say one thing…if you are feeling exhausted and you just can’t seem to figure out why then take time and go be with Papa…no talking necessary…just let Him love on you and restore you and share with you what He’s thinking. In fact, it’s best to not talk and simply listen and relax. You might not hear much of anything at first but He’s there and as you listen you will find your spiritual ears will begin to hear what He is saying.

Skeptical? Yeah…I’ve been there…just try it! What’s the absolute worst that could happen? You accidentally take a nap while listening to worship music and you don’t hear anything? I bet you wake up feeling more refreshed then you have in awhile. 🙂