A Question to Make You Think

Yesterday I was talking with one of my dearest friends, who I also happen to call my big brother, and was absolutely blow away and astounded by not only some things that he was able to help shed light on but also by the simplicity of the matter. That matter being a simple question he asked toward the beginning of the conversation.

How is someone who doesn’t know what unconditional love looks or feels like (from experience) supposed to give away what they don’t feel they have?

Now before I jump into explaining why this was such a mind boggling question I want to give a disclaimer. My parents and family love me and have absolutely always been there for me. My parents have always provided for me and to this day continue to partially support me while I finish my college degree which they are also paying for. That being said, my family is not always the best at showing love in any one of the five love languages that there are. In case you have never heard of the love languages the list is : quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service. Absolutely none of these are in my family’s strong suit. In fact the older we get the more they just don’t appear at all.

Back to the question that blew me away. I was expressing frustration with how I want to respond to things done and said by those closest to me. After a little digging that question is what stuck out the most. How are you supposed to love no matter what when you don’t even know what that looks like much less feels like?

Why did this blow me away? Because I’ve spent my entire life with the mindset of…being physically provided for and every now and then getting a kind word is love. This “version” of love is what I carried in with me to my dating relationship, and was completely shocked by the fact that I was hurt. Was this view point something subconsciously drilled into me growing up, or did I just decide that’s just how it is somewhere along the way? To be completely honest I haven’t the slightest idea. All I know is that until a certain point I felt completely loved, then there was a time period where it was kinda blurry, and then we have today. Can I draw a direct line from how I’ve allowed myself to be treated in relationships to my conception of love? I think I probably can if I take the time and start digging.

I think that the line that bugged me the most in regards to being in a relationship went something like this: You really want to watch how much time you spend around him sweetheart because at some point your gonna get tired of each other. Heartwarming isn’t it? After my last dating relationship I decided to take some time and really think about whether or not it was worth it to “love” someone if all it meant is that some day, probably sooner rather then later, I would just get tired of him and be glad to see him go to work every morning because that means a few hours in the day when I don’t have to look at him, deal with him, or talk with him. What conclusion did I come to? None really. I just came to a place where I sat down and said God there has to be more to love and life and my future then that. I can not settle for marrying someone who might give me silly butterflies at first but later on give me a sinking feeling of dread when I know he’s coming home; all so that I can say I got married and had kids. Where is the life and joy in that? I’d rather be single the rest of my life then have that be my future.

I say all that to say this, do I really know what love looks like and feels like? I don’t think I even have the slightest clue. I’ve been given an opportunity though to learn what that kind of love is like. I hope to really be able to dig in a discover that there is more to life then at some point getting tired of being around family. There are many things I hope to gain from this. But I want to leave you with a question. Do you know what love looks like and feels like?